LEARNING HOW TO LOVE YOURSELF
Learning how to love yourself “should” be easy right?
We grow up with conflicting feelings and beliefs about ourselves. We are taught that it is wrong to do certain things or act in certain ways that push us out of alignment with our truth.
It’s as if the need for validation and acceptance from the outside world is met with this conflicting rejection of who we are at our very core.
In learning that we aren’t allowed to be what we innately feel, we keep things hidden.
We lose trust in ourselves, we hire coaches to make friends on a superficial level. The people around us are only allowed to see the tip of the iceberg and your truth is 90 percent of what makes you, you.
It feels as if only my friends, family, and outside world knew the truth about my……. you fill in the blank.
It can be incredibly painful for those of us who allow us to be fully seen.
Fully being seen gives others the chance to fully reject us.
If we only allow others to see parts of us, they can’t reject all of us. So we disallow ourselves to be seen in our entirety.
It can be difficult to open up and be vulnerable when there is no guarantee of love, acceptance, or understanding on the other side of us fully exposing all that we are.
So many of us live in a constant state of rejecting ourselves. Denying our truth.
All of us are raised with a myriad of beliefs that are not true at all. We then take those beliefs and become certain as we take them into our adult lives. We experience discomfort, confusion, and agitation as we attract undesirable things into our lives.
I’ll give you an example of little Natalie.
When I was younger, I thought Santa Clause was real while all the kids in the neighborhood were dedicated to telling me the truth. That this mystical magic man was not the one bringing me my lavish gifts at Christmas time.
I was so rooted in my belief, no neighborhood kid was going to tell me otherwise. One year I got my pink light-up bike from Santa. Boy did he deliver. I pressed this button on the handlebars and the stars along the frame lit up in pink lights. It was magical. I loved my new bike, it became my prized possession. The neighborhood kids, however, were dedicated to telling me this bike wasn’t magical at all. This bike was from my parents because Santa isn’t real.
I was so rooted in truth, and this year I let them know it!
“Santa is real because there is NO WAY my parents couldn’t afford a bike like this.” I proclaimed.
My belief was rooted in certainty based on my belief that we were poor.
I believed more in an overweight stranger coming down my chimney and giving me a light-up bike more than I thought my parents could afford something this lavish.
Now, I want to follow up this story with the fact that I was very fortunate. I had it good. I was never worried about my next meal, health care, or anything else I needed. My parents took very good care of my brother and me always.
However, the conversations and the actions that flooded my childhood mind and home were that we were indeed poor.
I felt at any time that the things we had in our home could get taken away. It felt like doomsday was coming and the reality is that we were indeed in no danger at all.
But I believed it, I carried it and felt it in my body.
You see how our stories and beliefs run our thoughts and how we ultimately live our lives?
Beliefs are power.
Along with my belief of Santa was a rooted belief that my inherent worth was attached to money and what I was deserving of.
Since my story supported that money was incredibly unstable and meant for “others,” it made it nearly impossible for me to believe that I too was worthy of money, ease, or stability.
Unknowingly, I resisted thoughts, beliefs, and actions that would create a stable income because I had aligned myself with a truth that didn’t support peace, ease, and worthiness of income.
I believed It had to be hard for me. I believed it was somehow okay or understandable for other people to drive nice cars, go on nice vacations, or buy a glass of wine without a feeling of intense guilt. But for me, that was just out of the question!
Most often we are not aware of our habitual patterns that create these core beliefs. So we repeat them over and over again and bathe in frustration because change feels impossible.
Which is when we don’t meet ourselves with radical honesty to prove our old beliefs wrong.
When limiting beliefs fog your ability to receive what everyone on this earth is worthy of, it makes learning how to love yourself an extremely daunting task.
So how do you change your entire world for the better?
You start with being willing to change the belief, first.
This means that you have to lean into the unknown and accept that there is another way to live this beautiful life of yours. Which is scary alone. This is why I surround myself with mentors and coaches of my own. We get to lead and be led.
It can be fun.
The choice is within you, to choose to see this beautiful world through the eyes of potentiality and growth.
Two like-minded, soul-driven, authentic souls are always greater than one.
I want you to know deep in my heart that it gets to be different for you. You get to choose to be the observer of your life and grant yourself space and a new perspective. If you believe it can be different, then it will be.
Now just because my worthiness and limiting belief system was attached to money, that doesn’t mean that's where your limiting beliefs come from.
These belief attachment babies can be hidden in the trickiest of places! It’s like the missing Tupperware lids. You’ll find them in the most mysterious places!
This is where you give yourself permission and a willingness to be wrong about everything that hasn’t served you thus far!
You get to be wrong!
Like totally, completely just off the mark! Like you missed it by a long shot!
This also gets to be so freaking exciting because you can create an entirely new reality for your life!
I’ll walk you through how I process and practice new belief systems and how I learned to ultimately love myself.
I’ll start with another story. I look back in hindsight to driving my broken-down jeep liberty on a 90-degree humid day on my 45-minute commute to a gym with no AC.
I thought back then that I didn’t need a new car. So I drove to work with the chronic stress of when the next breakdown was going to hit. My girlfriend from the gym said she thought of me when she was purchasing a new motorcycle. Her bike was stolen and she was commuting on foot. She leaned back and told herself she was worthy of the investment and the alignment it would bring in her life. Life will keep bringing you lessons until you embody and learn them.
Okay, back to my old jeep beliefs.
-Old belief: I don’t need a new car and I can handle the constant life disruption, spending the money was a waste.
-New belief: Alignment with my willingness to accept that I deserve peace and ease in my life. This investment to increase my quality of life will get me to my destination, releasing worry and stress that is good for me and every human I interact with.
I want you to look at a belief you can disprove and see how investing in a new belief can change your life.
Look back in Hindsight now.
When I took a step back I could realize that this had nothing to do with the money in the first place. When it came down to it, I had enough money for a new car, but I wouldn’t allow myself to receive anything more than what I “needed.”
I viewed investing in things other than survival as selfish, unnecessary, and frivolous.
It all comes down to worthiness and what we allow ourselves to have. Recognizing this meant I had to willingly change my beliefs. This meant allowing myself to be wrong about my perceptions and limiting beliefs.
New supporting narrative.
I get to have a new car because I desire a new car. I am allowed to spend money on myself because money is not tied to my worth. I deserve peace of mind and stability and I don’t have to work a certain amount or earn a certain amount to claim that.
With my clientele, I often see self-imposed limitations and belief systems manifest in different ways.
Check in with yourself and see if any of these relate to you. I want to remind you that none of this makes you bad or broken. There is nothing wrong with you and you have always been worthy of receiving beautiful things.
This may be triggering, but is meant to open up a whole new world of possibility for you. It feels kinda horrible being wrong at first, you have this moment where you realize life could have been easier if you saw through this lens the whole time. I get it, I just want to remind you that these painful moments of recognition get to become your power. The faster you accept your current reality and perceptions, the faster you release the need to fight them. This will empower you beyond belief.
It’s all adding up for you, closer or further away from your goals.
It’s not waiting, it’s acting in alignment and celebrating every time you choose to think thoughts, create new beliefs, and act in ways that bring you more peace and ease into your life.
You have magic within you, and this is you learning how to love yourself.
You get to be wrong and you get to be every bit of that beautiful soul of yours.
Invest in your future and the present truth will become a gift.
I’m sending you so much love you, beautiful soul!
If you love conversations like this I would love to see you on my YouTube channel!
Watch and Subscribe below!
NATALIE DIANE KIMBALL
Hello, my beautiful soul!
After you read this blog in its entirety, I hope you learn how to be more confident in yourself, your relationships, and most importantly, who you are.
I see a lot of people, especially women, that think they will be confident when:
But, and there’s a bit ol’ BUT……
Undeniable, unshakable, traffic-stopping, radiating confidence comes from... the inside.
So, that's why we can’t rely on confidence from anyone else other than ourselves.
Our internal dialogue, the belief around worthiness, and how sexy we are is based on us.
And that’s a good thing.
Simply because every single thing in our external world is outside of our control.
But you know what is in our control? What we let inside.
What we give context, meaning, and a story.
We choose what provides value and what’s a projection of someone else’s insecurities.
This intense next level of confidence I’m talking about is divinely guided in owning who we are to our very core.
In this blog, we’re going to walk that divine walk to the exploration of how to create that from within.
How to be more confident in yourself: Traffic Stopping Edition.
Hear me when I say this.
You are allowed to want, desire, and yearn more for your life than what you have right now.
You, in this very moment, can decide that you are done settling and that you are beyond worthy of all that you desire.
You can decide right now that you are going to start attracting more of what you want into your life.
This will give you the clarity to gain the courage to step into the unknown, the courage necessary to move forward in your life, even when it feels messy, chaotic, and hard.
The kind of courage that says no matter what my desire to feel confident deserves more energy than me convincing myself I should receive anything less.
You can decide you deserve it all. Because you do.
We have limited amounts of energy and we have to stop spending it on things that drag us down.
I did anything and everything in my power to shift what my body looked like to attract what I thought I wanted in my life.
And guess what? Every time I hit a milestone, I still wanted to know how to be more confident.
I was a 16-year-old girl, 110 pounds with a 6-pack, and when I looked in the mirror I saw all that I was not. I would run miles around the YMCA track and look at the scale after to see if I lost any “weight.”
Can we all say WTF together?
It sounds looney tunes and ridiculous, but this phenomenon is not unique. We see ourselves through a lens of who we perceive ourselves to be, not who we are. We look at the physical bodies we have in this world and judge it until we decide enough is enough.
My confidence in myself fluctuated based on the number on the scale. This is what happens when we look externally for someone or something to tell us we’re worthy. Until I got curious about building my confidence and self-esteem and moving past my limiting beliefs, I felt stuck.
It started with Tony Robbins CDs that I played on my boombox and has transformed into radical coaching, programs, and empowerment experiences I lead today.
I see the most vivacious, beautiful, radiant women playing to their past instead of their potential…
The woman who thinks the man, the job, the body, and the Chanel bag will bring her the confidence to walk into any room is sadly mistaken.
It’s just not true.
Just like me stepping on the scale as a young teen, these things can fluctuate and change.
When us boss babes lean on these external things to bring us validation, we lose. We lose every time.
Want to hear the beautiful solution?
The power already exists wildly inside you.
You hold the potentiality to grasp on to the woman you are becoming.
Here are some tips from my Confidence Program.
1. You have to OWN IT. So how do you own it when you don’t have all the confidence in the world?
You create a flawless focus. Beyonce has one, why can’t you?
Beyonce’s version is Sasha Fierce.
Do you ever wonder how Beyonce shows up like a freaking BOSS every single performance? She has a Flawless Focus. A woman she embodies when she’s not feeling like the top of the world queen that we all are.
If you’re thinking like well… yeah, she’s Beyonce, she’s different. I’m here to ask you. HOW DO YOU THINK SHE GOT THAT WAY? She owns it, she embodies it. When she doesn’t feel like it, she envisions it.
2. You have to stop resisting how rare you are.
Be willing to let go of beliefs and thoughts that don’t serve you.
You have to gain a clear vision of how you have been resisting your evolution.
Everyone gets in their way when leaning into the unknown of who they are creating.
There will be plenty of people who tell you that you can’t along the way.
Releasing this resistance will allow you to create your dream version of yourself.
You do this by proving yourself wrong, interrupting the cycle, taking different actions to embody different beliefs and become a different woman.
I used to have large money blocks, I thought that I had to work hard and grind for hours on end. I used to be very bad at receiving or charging higher prices for work I created. This all stemmed from old limiting beliefs I aligned to as a child
Discipline leads to desires. Do you want to know how to be more attractive?
Honor your word from the inside out.
-Take time to learn what disciplines you need to implement to lead you to your ultimate desires. This is about becoming and embodying the woman you dream of so that your daily disciplines support the desires you are creating in your life.
-Practice releasing limiting beliefs, putting yourself first, and stop comparing yourself to others. This is for you and no one else.
3. Do it scared.
I waited ten years until I was ready to move to my dream city of sunny San Diego. Ten, freaking, painful years of staying small. Ten years of dulling my potentiality. Ten years to tell you it’s not worth waiting. The time will pass and you will wish you would have invested in yourself.
Almost all of my clients, myself included, are waiting until we better ourselves before we invest in something. Lean into the expansive fear of the unknown over the fear of the known.
You know what it’s like to want to learn how to be more attractive, but have you ever really stepped on the other side? Have you ever really dove straight into the fear of your potentiality?
All in. No questions asked.
Always do it scared.
I welcome you to learn more about how to embody the confident woman who exists wildly inside of you.
Natalie Diane Kimball
"There's greatness within all of us, we just have to believe it."
Learn how to let go of the past and how to be confident in yourself with my 4 top tips from my 12-week experience the Best-Kept-Secret.
I’m going to start with a story of what shaped me at the beginning of my journey.
When I started as an entrepreneur I had no clue what I was doing.
I moved 3,000 miles away from home and all that I knew was I wanted to start a business that empowered women. But, the truth was, I didn’t move for me or my business. I moved for a man.
Now don’t get this story twisted, he was and is a FANTASTIC human being. But him being an amazing human didn’t change the fact that I was sacrificing everything I desired for my life.
Day by day I was losing myself. I didn’t realize it at the time but in hindsight, I can see it so clearly.
I can see through the breakdowns, the anger of him being gone, and the resentment that started to build within my body.
Even though I was losing who I was, my mission to empower every single woman I came into contact with didn’t change.
I saw these parallels with a lot of the women I worked with. Leading their families and sacrificing what made them such beautiful women.
I spent endless nights crying in my self-made garage gym wondering what it was all for? Why was I putting myself through so much pain, what was the purpose?
My negative self-talk got louder as I lost my self-trust.
Setting boundaries wasn’t even in the cards for me back then. I had no self-trust. I literally would bend over backward for just about anyone to make sure they still liked me.
I was more concerned about everyone else’s mental and emotional health. And me? Well, I was just an afterthought, the last thing on my to-do list.
A lot of us lack self-trust and are consumed with negative self-talk simply because we were never taught otherwise.
If you’re anything like I was years back you may be wondering why you’re attracting the wrong clients, why people don’t respect you or love you exactly as you are.
One of my many Best Kept Secrets was when I started setting boundaries in my life.
I see so many women missing this.
Setting boundaries in your business and life will build better quality relationships in all parts of your life.
Let’s start with this, I’m just going to come out and say this because I hear this too often.
Setting boundaries does not make you a B****.
Okay? Did you get that?
It makes you a bad-ass boss (this is where I’m clapping), there’s a difference.
Do you think Beyonce has boundaries?
That’s what I thought……..
If you desire to be confident with yourself you have to have the self-trust to establish bold boundaries.
Now let’s get to the good stuff.
Four of the top tips straight from my Best-Kept-Secret experience.
1. Setting boundaries is the foundation for self-trust.
You have to learn your non-negotiables and implement them. Everyone’s non-negotiables are different and that’s the best part! One of the reasons that you have negative self-talk is because you set a boundary and then you break it. Over and over again. Example. My boundary with my business is that my clients keep their appointment times weekly. If they cannot make their appointment they know they need to re-schedule at least 24 hours in advance.
So what happens if a client cancels their appointment 20 minutes before? They lose their session. This does not make me a B**** this makes me a boss.
I get it. it’s hard because as women we care SO MUCH! The thing is when you bend these rules people will start to take advantage of them and you will start resenting the other people. This is the same in romantic relationships. You set the standard for the way you want things to operate.
You see, If I bend, I know that I will feel resentful towards my clients for “wasting” my time. I will feel taken advantage of for always bending the rules. My clients will also learn that they can do whatever they want when they want, which in turn, they will lose respect for me.
The beautiful part about this is you get to set what your life rules are! There are no right or wrong answers. You get to choose your foundational boundaries.
2. Learning how to let go will free you in more ways than you can imagine.
It’s not fun or easy but letting go of the flakey friend who never calls you back frees up a lot of mental and emotional energy.
The same thing goes for the guy that left you on read. Or the client that said they would sign up or book but never did. It’s no fun but it’s so necessary.
Learning how to let go is claiming a new standard for your life. Learning to be okay with what stays and what goes is a practice.
You can practice this by stating your needs or boundaries and playing out the potential outcomes ahead of time. Have a consultation with a client? Start to find peace with the fact they may or may not book. Tell your friend your boundary and they don’t show up the way you want? Coolio! That’s okay because now you know!
Practicing the outcome ahead of time is a beautiful practice so you are not shocked at the response when it happens in real-time!
3. Navigating negative self-talk comes with kindness.
In my coaching practice, I call the negative mind that comes up the she-hulk. When she comes in claiming that you’re not good enough, smart enough, or worthy enough you kindly comfort her. Many people try and fight the negative self-talk but it never works. If you think of comforting your she hulk with kindness and compassion things will start to shift. Hold her, speak to her gently and her temper tantrums will subside. Just like a small child, you wouldn’t say HEY! You're worthless. Right? Treat your inner she-hulk the same way.
Now we’re going to bring it all together…..
4. Establishing self-trust comes and bold boundaries comes from implementing all of the above 3 principles.
To learn how to be confident in yourself you must be able to reverse engineer what it means to establish self-trust.
When you start to implement these few principles alone you will start to find your life radically shifting.
I want you to know so deep in my heart that if you are looking to up-level or empower yourself in any of these areas, you are not alone. I’ve coached so many powerful business owners, entrepreneurs, and empowered women to know that these versions of us live within all of us.
If you desire to collapse time on your empowerment I would love for you to apply for my
Best-Kept-Secret. (linked below!)
This is about you becoming the strong, independent, self-loving confident woman you can be!
This one-one and group coaching experience have radically transformed my life in more ways than I can count. This is one of those programs that you will wish you would have taken sooner.
Don’t forget to like and share this blog on your socials!
With more love than you know what to do with,
Natalie Diane Kimball
My mission is to bring like minded women together who empower one another.
LEARN MORE ABOUT MY BEST KEPT SECRET BELOW!!
Women's Health & Fitness Specialist.